What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:13
I was 9 years of age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Would this be the day?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why after 50 years of being straight do I constantly desire to suck cock?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Meta Agreed to Pay up for Scale AI but Then Wanted More for Its Money - The Information
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do good-looking men date homely women?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ive learnt so much.
All the time i was locked up.
Why do you think Islam oppresses women when Christianity clearly does it more?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
7 Surprising Home and Garden Mistakes That Could Be Making Your Allergies Worse - Yahoo
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
What are the defining characteristics of woke liberals and conservatives in the United States?
So whats the point in blame.
What did i know ?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i lived it daily.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Reddit user surprised when 1960s computer panel emerged from collapsed family garage - Ars Technica
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She loved him until the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Comes on , in middle age.
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But, we were locked up after school.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He knew the spot.
She wouldn,t have been !
I will be 64.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were not on the streets..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Put me off passion for life!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I have no regrets .
She married twice! .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot live in the past .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We all went to grammer schools
She was in good health!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I said to her
I waited trembling.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was seconnd youngest,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
I write beautiful poetry .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,